When I started to practice Kriya Yoga a couple of years ago, it was with a backdrop of the Autobiography of a Yogi and its miracles of Kriya highlighted in it: levitating, fighting tigers, materializing in two bodies, surviving without food and so on. My expectations – if not the same but on similar lines – touched the sky: I thought that my life would change dramatically, and that everything good would happen.
Did it happen? No!
What followed were periods of frustrations and disappointment, bouts of anger, highs and lows in faith… Whenever a desired outcome happened, love for the Guru would come out pouring from me; and when things didn’t turn out as I expected, the bonds of my faith were stretched to its brittle limits.
It brought out in me thoughts like: “If everything is pre- destined, then everything else is an illusion, even Guru and his help. Why then, all this effort?” What followed was a lot of confusion. However, I noticed that there was always a niggling inner voice reprimanding me whenever I missed doing kriya. So, I decided: “Let me do what I am supposed to do, irrespective of the external and internal factors, circumstances, results, moods and without any EXPECTATIONS.”
And I did just that: Meditating even when I didn’t feel like it, turning on spiritual music while going about working at home, reading the teachings, trying to understand whatever I could and putting into practice whatever clicked with me. Yet, NO MIRACULOUS changes!
I still felt like a normal householder going about enjoying normal things in life. I would still have bouts of anger, moods, etc… However, they would last for shorter periods of time, and I would come out of it with more ease as compared to previous situations. Periods of frustration somehow were not long-lasting and vanished on their own. There was in me more acceptance of people in general, less judgments of them. Many times, when something happened, introspection on myself and the situation would come into the picture.
There were suddenly small periods of silence that were enjoyable, in which there was no urge to talk and there was an absence of restlessness. I realized that something was happening in my life. And if these small, seemingly insignificant changes were not THE MAGIC, what else were they?
Then I realized: all I have to do is my bit.
Quite a personal experience to share. Very practical.
In my case things just happen and there is nothing to feel sorry about or even mildly complain. Often experienced what most people will say oh just a coincidence.
I know about yours yoga meditation in Hindi language.
Exactly same thing happened with me also after reading autobiography of yogi and practicing Kriya yoga,
I think you nailed it. The practice of Kriya changes you subtly; and the subtle changes permeate your life and your actions, and you realise your heart is so much larger and filled with love. Others notice it in you, and want to be near you, and feel positive when with you, because your subtle energy touches their souls. Then you look at yourself, and realise that you are no longer judgemental because you realise that everyone has their own journey, and you see only a slither of their lives so cannot be party to the turbulence beneath their surfaces – so how then can you judge. When your judgement leaves, your heart opens, and you only want to offer love and compassion to others. I too felt the joy after reading “Autobiography of a Yogi”, and rushed to do the lessons with both SRF and Ananda, and then the excitement of beginning and practicing Kriya Yoga. I too felt the frustration and anger. But then I changed my practice and instead of only following the actions associated with Kriya, I included ‘feeling’ and ‘following’ the energy at all stages. I imagined I saw and then felt the energy travelling up my spine, sitting and expanding in my head, leaving through the crown and then flowing back down to the base of the spine. Seeing and feeling the energy makes all the difference – even if you only imagine it at first – soon you will feel it – even when you are not doing Kriya. And it makes a wonderful difference when you do Master’s energisation exercises beforehand. But you must do them slowly, and imagine you “see” the energy as a light each time you clench a muscle group. If you follow with the Kriya, you will have already been ‘aware’ of the movement of energy, so your Kriya practice is much more powerful. Keep doing your practice. Remember to ‘feel’ the energy as you do the practice. It will make all the difference.
How true. When we do what we are supposed to do be it correct or incorrect way but with right intention, leaving the outcome to Master, it does give you a deep peace inside. Master knows out flaws, admitting them frankly and asking for his help to sort out that does help a lot.